Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
