A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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