Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
