i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
