I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
