At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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