I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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