It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Someone came in the potted fern
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
