her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
