I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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