I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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