hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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