Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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