You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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