yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
