Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
