i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You left your phone here
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