just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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