So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
