you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
