That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
