I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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