It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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