apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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