My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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