youre lurking in front of me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
