You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
