is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
