Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
