I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
