i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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