You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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