please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
