she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
