last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
