when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
