this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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