i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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