It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
false alarm, still single
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
