So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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