I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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