my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
