I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
