so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
