Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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