At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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