There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
