Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
