I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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