I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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