just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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