the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
